The Fire Within
by foreveryourss
Summary: "No, no, no, no" Clarke whispered, taking a deep breath in as she bolted towards Arcadia. "Please god no, no, no, no." She repeated it as if it the words held the power to stop the horror she saw before her. * * * "No!" Bellamy shouted, forcing his voice over the chaos of screams. "Clarke, it's not safe!"
1. Chapter 1

**Fire and Ice**

"No, no, no, no" Clarke whispered, taking a deep breath in as she bolted towards Arcadia. "Please god no, no, no, no." She repeated it as if it the words held the power to stop the horror she saw before her.

She had been travelling back towards Arkadia from her meeting with Roan and his army when she was stopped in her tracks by the thunderous sound of the explosion. Her head whipped in the direction of the sound, The Ark, Clarke thought in horror. Before she could even think she had one foot in front of the other pounding on the ground as she ran, Bellamy close behind her. The closer she got the bigger the fire grew, she could see the orange blaze through the trees and soon she could hear the screams of her friends against the roar of fire and metal colliding.

People were flooding out of the ark, spluttering and coughing until their lungs could burst, the smoke poisoning them, they were gasping for air. Clarke's need to help them was kicking in but she held back. She gazed at the survivor's faces as they passed her, one by one crossing them off the list in her head, each on bringing relief tainted with dread. Where was Niylah?

"Octavia?!" Bellamy called out as he did the same, searching for her within the crowd.

"Over here!" Ilian said, supporting the majority of her weight as they stumbled out the Ark. Bellamy ran past Clarke to reach for her, scooping her off the ground and taking her further away to safety. Clarke tried to look past them, tried to look past the rising black smoke too. She gave one quick once over the crowd again before joining Bellamy at his side.

"O, are you okay?" Bellamy asked, his eyes running over her, checking if there was any immediate damage.

She could only cough in response.

"Octavia, where is Niylah?" Clarke asked trying to hide the panic rising in the voice like bile.

Octavia took a deep gulp of air before replying "She was right next to me."

Ilian looked down, like a child who was guilty, he couldn't look bare to look at Clarke as he explained. "I could only carry one. If I tried to take both we might not have gotten out in time."

Clarke was almost sure her heart had stopped, her breathing became slow and all colour, feeling, and warmth she had felt a few seconds before were ripped away from her.

"No!" Bellamy shouted, forcing his voice over the chaos of screams. "Clarke, it's not safe!"

But his words slid off her like a spray of ash. She made a beeline for the Ark, smoke filling her lungs, blinking to see in the smouldering air.

"Niylah!" She felt as if she were in a living nightmare, she didn't feel like herself, her feet seemed to carry her forward as if they had a mind of their own and her voice sounded as if her screams were by someone else miles away. Time seemed to pass agonisingly slow, she couldn't get there fast enough.

Everything came back in an instant, in the instant that she felt strong arms bind around her. She had control of her body, her voice sounded as her own again and time came snapping back but she couldn't move.

His arm wrapped around her waist tighter like a steel band, pulling her forcibly back towards him.

"Let me go", she shrieked, thrashing with all her might. But Bellamy held her tight, forcing her to watch helplessly as fire engulfed the Ark. The entire shell of it was now up in flames, explosions could still be heard as the fire made its way through, destroying everything in its path.

"Get off me" She sobbed, twisting again as she tried to wrestle free.

He slid his arm under her and began dragging her backward.

"No", she shrieked, feeling the sound tear her throat, pounding at him helplessly with her fists. "I need to get her out." She dug her heels into the grass, but Bellamy was stronger, and she couldn't hold her ground. "Niylah!"

"Clarke, I'm so sorry", Bellamy whispered in her ear. She could tell he was sincere, but she didn't care. "You'll die if you go in there. I can't let you."

The word die ignited a reserve of power that exploded through her. Clarke gritted her teeth and lunged forward, momentarily escaping Bellamy hold. Her entire being had reduced to a single, desperate thought saving the only friend she had left in the universe.

She screamed as her arm was wrenched behind her back. "Let me go." This time, it was more of a plea than an order.  
"I'm begging you, Bellamy. Please let me go."

"I can't," he said, wrapping his arms around her again. His voice was shaking. "You know I can't."

The clearing was empty now, everyone retreating into the edge of the woods watching in horror as their home was lost. Most  
of them were carrying supplies but no one had thought to grab Niylah who was now being burned alive just a few meters away.

"I'm sorry," Clarke cried. "I'm so sorry, Niylah."

Neither Bellamy or her spoke but he continued to hold her, the whole time terrified that if he loosened his grip for one second Clarke would seize the opportunity to break free and risk her life running in after Niylah. In this state, she couldn't be trusted.

All she could see was an orange blur as her tears stung her eyes. There was a crack, and the flames shot up even higher, Clarke shrieked with horror as parts of the Arc collapsed into a storm of fire, then slowly crumbled into ash.

Clarke felt her legs give out and her whole body turn numb. Bellamy slowly guided her down onto the damp ground, scared that if he let her go she would just fall. Something inside her broke, her tears had dried up but she still felt like her heart had been ripped out.

It was over.

* * *

Just to let you know that I have used exerts from the book. Let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

The smoke from the tragedy last night had grown into a low mist that filled the clearing of Arkadia. It was all hands on deck, sorting what was left of the supplies and food, scavenging any scraps of metal that could be found, and building fires and temporary shelter until some of the big holes in the shell of the Ark were fixed.

Bellamy was instructing a group of them to start piling any metal together to be ready for the repair team when he saw it, that flash of golden hair caught in the early morning sunrise. It was Clarke. His heart ached when he saw her and for what happened last night.

After the fire had faded out and left the black charcoal of destruction he had guided Clarke to the ground, suddenly uncomfortable with holding her, he didn't know what to do. He felt guilty, he had just help sentence Niylah to her death. Maybe Clarke could have saved her? No. His mental voice broke through, she would have died. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

He knew Clarke had been avoiding him all day purposefully. She no longer wanted anything to do with him. He had to make things right.

"Clarke!" He called out after her, dismissing his team. She carried on walking, he thought he saw her speed up her pace when he called out for her again. "Clarke!" He broke into a slight jog, closing the distance between them. He put his hand on her shoulder when he finally caught up but she openly flinched away. She looked...broken, she no longer had the spark within her, or the fight to survive, her eyes were her dead tainted with an icy look of betrayal.

"What?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He explained softly.

"Are you?"

Bellamy took a step back as if the accusation had physically affected him.

"Y-Yes," He spluttered out as if the word wouldn't come out if his mouth quick enough "of course I am." He looked up at her trying to hold her judging gaze but he couldn't, he settled for the ground instead. "Clarke, you have to know why I did what I did?"

"No, I don't." She said, her voice cold and quiet. "I can't believe you." Rage billowed in her chest as if there were flames inside her that needed only fury and grief to blaze into an inferno.

"Clarke! There was no way you would have made it." Bellamy stammered. "I couldn't just let you go in there. You would have been killed! You have to understand that."

"So you let Niylah die instead?! Because you get to decide who lives and who dies right?"

He started to protest, but she kept going, shaking with rage.

"Last night was..." she choked on the word unable to get it out without breaking down.

"Clarke, please!"

But she shook her head, no longer able to utter another word to him, and walked into the forest without looking back.

Bellamy watched her as she disappeared into the mist. He stared after her, long after she was gone, a glimmer of false hope sitting in his body telling him that she might come back but below that, deep down, he knew she wasn't.

He looked down at his hands, for all the people he had killed and had sentenced to death this one felt worse. Everyone here had blood on their hands but his suddenly felt dirty as well.

Sweat was dripping down his back as the sun set behind the trees, together he and his team had managed to get a lot done. Some of the major holes in the Ark were fixed which meant most people could come back inside. There were still some minor holes which needed to be fixed, so they could only hope that the black rain didn't arrive anytime soon.

It had been hours since his last conversation with Clarke and since then all he could do was repeat it in his head over and over again. It was eating away at him, he was determined not to leave it like that. A voice inside him was telling him to leave it longer, let her calm down, but he hated fighting with her. She needed to understand why he stopped her, even if he had to make her.

He put down the piece of scrap metal he had been trying to bend back into shape and asked someone to cover for him as he went to go find her.

With most of the injured now back inside the Ark, he had a good guess as to where she would be and he was right. There she was again, moving in a quick flurry tending to as many as she could.

She has just finished reapplying a bandage on a minor burn victim when she turned to see who she could help next. Her face fell instantly when she was greeted by Bellamy.

He held out his water canteen as a peace offering. "You should really take a break."

Clarke glanced down at the water canteen and then back up to his face before walking past him.

"You know for someone as smart you, you're having a pretty hard time as to understanding why I couldn't let you go in that fire!" He called out after her a playful mischievous tone to his voice followed by a smirk.

This stopped Clarke dead in her tracks before she turned back to face him, folding her arms over her chest as she did.

His smirk grew bigger, he knew she would take the bait.

"Enlighten me." She called back.

Bellamy's face softened ever so slightly, betraying his vulnerability. He no longer seemed like the cocky boy he pretended to be but instead as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Octavia still hates me for what I did. I'm not blaming her, I deserve it in fact but I'm losing her, Clarke." He paused taking a deep breath in as if needed the courage to continue. "It doesn't feel the same as our arguments have been in the past. I'm no longer sure she'll forgive me one day. I don't think she'll ever forgive me."

It pained Clarke to see Bellamy like this, it was a part of him that he never showed anyone, and rarely to her. She imagined herself closing the gap between them and putting her arm out to comfort him but she was still racked with grief over Niylah. She couldn't comfort someone who had been a part to play in her death.

"I hate to think that I will lose Octavia but I can't make her forgive me, and last night, I don't know, something just took over me. Before I knew what I was doing I had you in my arms. I can't lose you as well Clarke. I need...we need you, all of us."

There was only silence between them, no one moved, no one spoke. They just absorbed each other's presence.

Clarke broke their gaze as she spoke. "It still didn't give you the right. It was selfish and now I will forever wonder if I could have saved her, along with all the other people on my list." Clarke held back a sob as Lexa came into her mind with a wave of heartache. "You should have let me go. Would it have been the worst thing if I died? We still all might at this rate." Clarke's voice quietened almost so Bellamy couldn't hear her but he did. "Maybe if I had died I wouldn't have to keep making all these horrible decisions."

Bellamy watched Clarke walk away from him for the second time that day, it wasn't something he wanted to get used to.

* * *

Sorry for not updating the story sooner, I have no beta so I'm always nervous to post it but your encouraging words have been lovely, so keeping reviewing and letting me know what you think of it so !


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